


The Zed Word

by Amythe3lder



Series: Irregular Pieces [30]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sherlock Holmes & Molly Hooper Friendship, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 04:24:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amythe3lder/pseuds/Amythe3lder
Summary: The comedic angle of the apocalypse was a surprise.





	The Zed Word

**Author's Note:**

> Many hugs and mooses to my beta Redscudery!
> 
> Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time  
> I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out  
> "Don't Stop Me Now"- Queen

Sherlock grappled the remote away from Molly and pressed pause. “Am I supposed to be picking up on some deep unresolved romantic tension between Shaun and Ed?”

“Not all flatmates fall in love, Sherlock. I think you might be projecting.” Molly turned and squinted at the screen where the male leads of _Shaun of the Dead_ were now frozen in the act of exchanging what appeared to be a tender gaze. “Wait. Actually, I’m beginning to see it. Sure, why not?”

“Maybe the tee shirt is meant as a subtle flirtation.” He was ~~starting to get~~ invested now. Oh no.

Molly levered herself off the sofa and headed for the kitchen and--he hoped--towards snacks. “‘I’ve Got Wood?’ That’s subtle, is it?” 

Sherlock grimaced. “Some people take more work than others,” he called.

How anyone was capable of such rueful giggling, he would never know. He agreed with the sentiment, in any case. 

“What do you think so far?” she asked, “And do you want coffee?”

“Please, and it’s… tolerable? I like it more than I expected to.” He hadn’t expected to like it at all. Sherlock had gathered that it was a zombie movie based on the title. The comedic angle of the apocalypse was a surprise.

“It’s the only zombie movie I’ve seen where the characters already have the context to understand what’s happening. You know,” she added, “if the dead do start rising and all: I’m your first line of defense.” At Sherlock’s look of horror, she nodded sadly. “Yep. Pretty sure you’re all screwed, quite frankly.” She picked up the remote and hit play before he could respond.

His mind picked it back up on the tube ride home later that evening, all jumbled up with old drug-addled memories and marinated in the butterscotch schnapps he’d been sipping. By the time he resurfaced on Baker Street, he’d formulated a plan. 

“John,” he said, trying to convey how impressively important this was, “I have a plan.”

Without so much as glancing up from where he was failing to get applesauce into his daughter’s mouth before she could grab the spoon, John replied, “Nothing good has ever come of you making that statement.” He was right, of course.

“This isn’t going to be good,” Sherlock agreed, “it’s going to be hilarious.”

* * *

“Sherlock, I’m not saying we shouldn’t do this,” John whispered, “I just think we ought to feel a little bad for it after, okay?”

Sherlock answered at a normal volume. He didn’t know why John was trying to keep quiet- it wasn’t as though any of the people in the room could hear them anymore. “How bad should we feel, do you think? On a scale of one to ten?”

John stopped fussing with the stage makeup he was applying to Sherlock’s cheek, “Oh I think a two will do it. She’s had it coming since that thing with the cucumber. Then again she did bring over those almond croissants last week, so maybe a three?”

“If we’re counting that, better make it four. She brought chocolate to dip them in.” Sherlock added a little more gray powder under John’s eyes. He still looked attractive, but in a ghastly sort of way. 

“We didn’t dip the croissants in the chocolate though.”

“No. We found a better use for it,” Sherlock said, and kissed John right on his cyanotic blue lips. He might have blushed, but they’d just spent the last ten minutes making each other look believably ghoulish and it was hard to tell. He handed John a pair of earplugs.

“Why…?” John asked.

“You’ve heard how I met Molly.” He gestured to the unburdened mortuary gurney that awaited him and winced, “It’s hazy, but I do recall thinking that she had exemplary lung capacity and a particularly piercing pitch. I won’t have the benefit of heroin this time, so I’ve come prepared to protect my eardrums.” He checked his phone for the time. “Soon.”

John picked up a couple of sheets and unfolded them with a flick. “Right then. Time to join the undead.”

They didn’t have to wait long. Molly came straight down at the start of her shift to make certain all of her tools were accounted for and greet the new arrivals in the cooler. When he heard her cheery, “Good morning, everyone!” muffled through the sheet and the foam in his ears, he counted silently to thirteen before he twitched and slowly sat up, knowing John was doing likewise a few seconds off. 

The earplugs had been an excellent idea.

Sherlock tugged the sheet down, glanced at the Stryker saw she was brandishing, and felt somewhat more hopeful about their odds of survival in the event of an epidemic of peckish corpses. 

He saw the moment she recognised her zombified assailants. Molly relaxed her stance and lowered the weapon she had wielded to defend London. He and John pulled out their earplugs in time to hear her sustained scream turn to infectious laughter and foul language.

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen _Shaun of the Dead_ , treat yourself. I don't even like scary movies and I enjoy the heck out of it.
> 
> I should explain that Stryker (or vibrating) saws are used for cutting bone and obviously necessary for opening up the brain case. They require close range, so don't grab one to ward off zombies unless you're in chain mail or duct tape armor. [Here's one version](https://www.atlasprosales.com/Stryker_810_Autopsy_Saw_p/t-cc-810.htm) that looks properly terrifying and [here's our girl](http://screencapped.net/tv/sherlock/displayimage.php?album=8&pid=14764#top_display_media) holding one like a boss.
> 
> Molly's pov of her first encounter with Sherlock is in the first chapter of _Undertow_.


End file.
